Thursday, May 31, 2012

Weakness of Mine is Pretending To Be Strong.

People easily get bored with something cliche. Me too. But this, I don't know how to describe. Just that, I think I got to do something that can make that thing suddenly disappear from my mind. Seriously, I'm hoping for such thing to happen rather than waiting while I'm not really want to do that. 

Well, that guy up there did gave me some sort of guides that might be work if I really put some effort on it. But still, it's more than what he gave me, I did it before. Changing perception towards the issue and all that, I did it. Even more, I did control my mind not to forget, but to explain to myself that the issue is not needed to be think, not even once. I did. And so many things I've done, alhamdulillah it works for three weeks ONLY. 

After that, I was sick. I was really sick that I couldn't endure the pain. I got headache. I collapsed in toilet and got conscious several hours after that. I went to clinic for three times. For the entire time, they keep coming in my dreams. I wasn't thinking about them before I was sick, never, not even once. I started to forget them, I guess. But, after all the pains that I've gone through, they keep coming back again. And again.

Even there's someone gave me 2 videos with super short message, and it's anonymous, I don't even know who was it, and still, I wanted to consider that it was them. I don't want to think that way though since it's seem so pathetic. But, right after I saw the super short message, my mind was flying to them. Just like that.

I'm sick of enduring. Seems like I've to let it be. Ignoring is not easy though. I don't know what to do. Looks really pathetic, right? What to say. Pretending to be strong is the easiest way. Even it's such a pain, if that is the only thing that I could do, why shouldn't I continue pretending? 

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